With divorce and remarriage as the norm these days, I'm sure some of you read the title and thought, hmmm Gillian does not know my ex and trauma!
It is true, and I acknowledge that many marriages are in trouble, end badly and caused a lot of pain along the way; but what I want to discuss with you today will hopefully help you to look into the angle quite different, or at least with less hatred towards your ex.
Modernization has brought us many changes: as we are called from within and driven off without finding new and ever expanding levels of personal accomplishment is indeed impressive because it leads us not to lose moment of our dear life.
Together with our ambitions as important is the will to succeed in everything we put our hands on. Therefore, when everything ends well, we call it a success; and if things do not go as we planned, we consider it a failure.
I want you to look back and think of an instance in your past When you have done something on one attempt and you master right away. Honestly, you will discover that you "could not remember a thing because you have everything needed to be done with great effort. The law of life is that we must work hard for something to work well.
Take this note no skills such as reading, writing, riding a bicycle or driving a car, cooking, dancing, and even sex must take practice to master it. It was commonly said that practice makes perfect; SO, something worthwhile That always involves a learning time, trial and error, so why should we expect something as complex and difficult that marriage is different?
If the child falls on average 8,000 times while learning to walk, can you imagine the amount of courage and resolve it takes to "fail" at something 8,000 times and never give up? Nevertheless, since a baby has no idea, or do not even think about failure, but is simply determined to learn to walk and will do whatever it takes, he / she finally succeeds.
This determination is hard-coded into every creature that goes on two or four legs, but only humans have an equally strong desire to learn to love. We can not contradict him, and we will do whatever it takes to get there.
In both cases, it can be a tough row to hoe, as you certainly know by now; but everyone who does not give up on your most challenging and rewarding of all challenges will succeed later. Fortunately, it does not take 8000 to finally find love relationships, but it will almost certainly take more than one. But we hope that you do not have all married!
In most of our nations are inclined to foster partnerships with romantic love, or at least a certain degree of enthusiasm, and we assume that this mixture will be more successful than crop marriage Where is decided by parents . However, remarkably, arranged marriages that reveal the statistics are likely to last longer than ours. This is probably due to a social structure a little firmer and lack of choice, but not entirely.
The big difference lies in the expectations of the people involved; It is believed that love comes first, then marriage, the other believes that comes first marriage and love develops later. We tend to want to love now and forever, and the time it disappears or weakens, we feel cheated; They are more fun while waiting, learn and work in the relationship.
A person can learn about the love of one partner, the other from several partners, but what they have in common is that both have to learn to love over time. We have more choices to get into a relationship, and many more to come out, but the results still depend on the single.
We want to succeed and we hate to fail, so it is natural to carry a certain amount of anger or resentment towards any person or situation where we feel "failed" and that includes marriage Certainly.
"I've never failed, I've just found 9,999 ways that do not work, and everyone approached me success." Thomas Edison
But if you know for sure that there are no failures, but simply being lessons in love, and then a place of resentment and feeling guilty about yourself you can be grateful for everything you have learned, and bring this knowledge in your next report. It is not wise to focus on your wounds, but your growth - what you and how you have gained through this experience matured.
So, we will check, you have the feeling that because he ended your previous marriage was a failure? Not OK, let's look at other areas of life to see if we can change this attitude a bit.
When you wear shoes, is there a failure to buy new? No, it's exciting and enjoyable. If your zippy little sports car no longer fits your family, it was a mistake to have bought in the first place? No, now it just too small.
If you change career 50 (Whether by choice or necessity) Is it a failure, or is it an opportunity to learn new skills and find fulfillment in another sphere? It is not the event itself, but your attitude towards it that determines success or failure.
"We seem to have more wisdom through easily through our failures than our successes. We always think of failure as the antithesis of success, but it is not. Often, success is just the other side of failure. " Leo F. Buscaglia
And even more when you got to high school or university, did you feel that because you left, you had failed? Of course not, because you graduated! You have learned what they had to teach you, graduation, and transfer them automatically to the next level to apply your new knowledge.
Well, love is exactly the same; the goal of every relationship is to teach us about love (what works and what does not), and when we learn all we can from this relationship, or do other growing circumstances it impossible, we diploma .
You graduate (aka divorce papers) and move on to the next lesson highest in love. Far from being a failure, the end of a completed marriage or trivial is a great success. Life itself has taken you out of this situation, and when you let go and let it work, it will give you the next level of learning.
Almost all of us finish primary school, MOST finish high school, go to college less, much less win control, and only a very few achieve their doctorate. If you have been through a series of intense relationships, in or out of marriage, you really have to want to master esta most difficult of all subjects. This is not a failure, which is the determination, and he deserves to be recognized as such.
It is important to Realize that marriages do not fail, they end, understanding, and that changes everything. If anything, the failure is to stay for years, decades, a lifetime in an unsatisfactory place where you were more growth, but simply surviving.
It would be a tragedy, because one of the great compensation for this new world is stressful We have the freedom to choose our own destiny - All it takes is the courage to exercise. Sooner or later the time will come when you will see that there were many positives to that there was relationship as negative, and that day you will be free. He called "the wisdom of the age" but you should not have to get old; All it takes to understand and honesty is here and now.
Another compelling reason to banish the thought of failure of your mind is the effect it can have on your children. Children often blame themselves when their parents separate or divorce. They believe it was somehow their fault, and that if they had acted differently mom (mom) and dad would always be together.
Children are also very sensitive; if you are resentful about what you believe to be a failure, they will feel the Can composed Their sense of responsibility and guilt. But if you know for sure that there was no failure so no need to blame or guilt, they will look about it and have a completely different attitude to their parents, themselves, and the wedding itself even. Not only will your decisions, but your feelings also have a profound effect on those closest to you.
At the moment, however, I should make a statement "warning", as I can hear in your voice indignation about the marriages end due to abuse, whether physical, psychological violence or substance , divorce and remarriage Where are the only options.
Our website provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes. It does not take into account the situation of persons or specific laws and requirements specific to each country. Readers should verify all information regarding their specific situation.
No comments:
Post a Comment